rogue rhetoric

No matter what happens on the season finale of The X-Files, I will be sad. I almost don’t want to watch. I might save it on my DVR for a while just to savor its existence. Six episodes is simply not enough. The first five were more creative and entertaining than anything I have watched since Breaking Bad. My only hope is that the success of this mini-series is enough to convince them to make more. I need more Mulder and Scully in my life.

I spent an inordinate amount of time researching bobcats today. There are 12 species of bobcats in North America. They can weigh up to 49 pounds. The males can range over 40 square miles of territory.

Why did I desperately need this valuable information?

One was spotted less than five miles from my house. Since I live in the suburbs of Pittsburgh, I found this to be both shocking and exciting. In Western Pennsylvania, we have deer, groundhogs, squirrels, rabbits, and an occasional fox. Apparently there is also a growing population of coyotes, but I haven’t seen one yet. I don’t really care about coyotes though; they are just wild, mangy dogs. I want to see a bobcat. I really really want to see a bobcat in my yard. I want to feed it and photograph it and name it Poe.

I lived in New England for several years and never saw a moose. My neighbor saw one in my yard (while I was at sea). A friend of mine hit one with his car. But they always seemed to avoid me. I even drove several hours into northern New Hampshire for the sole purpose of spotting a moose. Not a one. Anywhere. A guide at one of the parks actually said I had just missed a few of them by only a couple minutes. This is my chance to right a wrong. I may never see a moose, but I will damn well see a bobcat even if I have to camp out overnight. Of course, with my luck I will stumble upon a pack of angry coyotes. And since I will be unarmed for fear that weaponry would upset the bobcats, I will probably have to fight them off by hand. I’m sure that will make the news.

Speaking of the news, here are some random musings about today’s headlines:

1. Lemmy from the band Motorhead died. I seriously thought he had died of an overdose years ago.
2. The ‘affluenza’ teen was captured in Mexico. I want to see him serve some serious jail-time almost as much as I want to see a bobcat.
3. Navy beat Pitt in the Military Bowl. I am deeply conflicted. I served in the Navy and received my degree from Pitt. I’m happy. I’m sad. I had to work, so I missed the game anyway.
4. Putin has a calendar. Why in hell does a sovereign world leader need a calendar?

I watch too much television. I had to get a new DVR a couple weeks ago and it saved me about 100 hours of my life because of all the taped shows that were lost. I wish I could stop. The accessibility is great nowadays and it’s hard to resist, especially when there are so many great series. The production value and the writing is superb, at least for some. The cable networks have really upped their game.

Years ago, there were just a few series that I cared about. I watched the Sopranos off and on, I watched Six Feet Under. Then of course I had to watch Dexter, which was great up until that dreadful series finale. I even watched True Blood long after I should have stopped. I watched Californication, which was about a writer, so that was easily justified. I watched Newsroom and Breaking Bad and decided that I never needed to watch another series, having seen the very best a series could be. But then the watercooler discussions got me hooked on Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead. For that, I hate watercoolers. I also got hooked on Orange is the New Black, True Detective, and House of Cards almost by accident.

Of everything I watch right now, I would have to say that Homeland is the only one I should be sparing the time to watch; it is truly a heart-pounding, thought provoking, thrill ride. That and maybe Black Sails; I can’t resist pirates. Or Da Vinci’s Demons. I haven’t started Fargo, but I hear that it is great too. Oh, and the final season of Banshee will start in the spring, my violent, graphic, guilty pleasure. Basically, after 825 hours, I need an intervention. Or a cable outage. Or maybe I should just toss out the TV altogether. Although, perhaps those stories will inspire me to write even better stories of my own. Perhaps an hour or two of escapism is healthy. I’ve noticed that when the TV is off I don’t necessarily write or read. I usually end up trolling on twitter or buying things I don’t need on Amazon. Maybe this is the new normal. Maybe this is the new edification. I know that is probably an invalid justification, but I just can’t stop. Perhaps I will someday soon. But I will definitely need to wait for at least 45 more days to see if the new X-files is all that I hope it will be. And even if it isn’t, I know I will probably keep watching anyway. The truth is out there, after all.

Here’s my review of the mid-season finale in 189 words or less. There may be a spoiler, but it’s not likely to matter.

The Good: Best line ever spoken from a mother to her young son: “Pretend you are somebody that’s not scared.”

The Bad: Where did the ants come from? I understand the metaphor. The zombie herd is about to devour Alexandria. I get it. But a trail of ants making it to the second floor bedroom to devour a half-eaten cookie is beyond heavy-handed.

The Ugly #1: I am tired of Morgan. I really wanted to see the wolf hostage eliminated. However, I am really disappointed with Carol’s timing. All that said, I refuse to believe that Carol could be suddenly struck incompetent and fail so miserably. The result is just another instance where the writers chose plot over character.

The Ugly #2: Sam, listen to your mother and stop calling for her as you weave through the zombie herd. She is holding your hand. Perhaps she should have been more direct and told you to pretend you were someone who shouldn’t be fed to the zombies.